Heels Are A Girl's Best Friend

If you spend as much time online as I do, no doubt you’ve been stalked from site to site by tantalizing ads for discount Christian Louboutins from places like Louboutinmall.com, Louboutinbox.com and others like relatives who just can’t take a hint to get the hell out.

I usually avoid Internet ads like the plague but after seeing the same one pop up again and again on like 100 sites, I finally pointed and clicked.

It took me to a site called Pink Foot Wear which claims to sell authentic Loubs.  All for the unheard of price of $159.  Every single pair, regardless of style.

Hmmmm . . .

After the initial moments of fantasy shopping to my heart’s content for shoes that are soooo out of my price range unless I give up those those pesky necessities of life, namely food and shelter, I finally came to my senses and started noticing that things were a bit . . . off.

The site appears “normal” at first shoe-crazed glance, but upon closer inspection,  it’s rather chintzy looking.  First of all, the graphics look like something I would attempt to mock up using Microsoft Paintbrush and clip-art, plus the layout was probably done in 10 minutes or less.

They had several popular styles but they also had others I had never seen before, so I just figured that they were old styles or something like that.  But then I cottoned on that the photos of the shoes are far from professional. And the highly coveted red-sole that is usually prominently displayed on well-known sites like Neiman Marcus is strangely absent from most of the pics. But when they did you a sliver of a glance, it reeked of “if we show of hint of the red sole, it’ll prove we’re legit!”

And check out the text in the FAQ:

I made a mistake with my order and it’s status says Shipped, what should I do?

If the shoes have already left then we can not make changes to the order. Please wait until you receive your shoes, then e mail us at info@pinkfootwear.com!

*we do not make refund  if you pick wrong shoe size**

*We do exchange the shoe size  if it is your fault. There will be $25 charge for resending it to you plus 15% restocking fee.

Uh, what barely literate boob wrote this?!  And 15% restocking fee??? Danger, Will Robinson!

Even more suspect, there is no way to contact the company expect by email–and it’s a generic address at that.  No names.  No phone number.  Nada.

I call shenanigans on this site.

Louboutinmall.com at least has a better design person on staff but the same red flags start flying as soon as you nav away from the home page.

Claiming to offer “luxury shopping worldwide,” their prices are  in the same bargain basement range as Pink Foot Wear, at $149 - $159 for each pair of Loubs.  But for a so-called luxury product site, the photos look like someone was busy with a digital camera in the abandoned warehouse where all these shoes that fell off the back of the truck are stored.

And their return policy is a doozy:

We are not responsible for shipping costs in either exchanges or returns, and for all refunds there is a 15% processing fee. Exchanges are completely free of charge, although we are not responsible for shipping costs.

But wait, there’s more.  Read on for the creative writing sample they have posted for their exchange policy:

All exchanges must be addressed within 5 days of receiving products. In order to make an exchange, all boots must be in original, unworn, dead stock condition, with original packing or you will not qualify for an exchange. Exchanges can only be made if the products were factory defects or it was under our mistake.

Unacceptable reasons for exchange are customer chose wrong size/wrong color/wrong style/customer decides no longer wants.

We will exchange if we sent incorrect products or products are factory defective. A 15% Restocking Fee MAY Be Applied To Exchanges Depending On Each Circumstance; It May Be Waived Depending On The Circumstance Of The Order.

Like Pink Foot Wear, they offer an email address as a form of contact, but also have a  “Contact Us” form, though I suspect it gets routed to a giant “f–k you and thanks for the credit card information” cyber trashcan.

Ditto all of the above for Louboutinbox.com, though they attempt to sweeten the allure with snaps of celebs walking the red carpet and doing other celebrity things in their Loubs as if to say, “Look like a celebrity, walk the red carpet in your living room; buy our fake shoes with soles painted red with finger nail polish.”

So basically, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.  God, I sound like my mother (don’t you just hate it when it turns out they were right?).  You’ll be far better off waiting for a pair of Loubs on sale at Barneys.

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